Tips from Rachel Simmons and A MESSAGE FROM LAINE JACOBY

We have been discussing ways to overcome disappointment and hurt feelings.  We also talked about how we are in control of our feelings and behavior.  How we handle conflict is the key to lasting friendships and community.  Please take a minute and read the message from Laine below.  It highlights some of the key points from Rachel Simmons lecture last month. Rachel Simmons is an author, educator and coach who helps girls and young women grow into authentic, emotionally intelligent and assertive adults.  She has a wonderful website full of advice and tips for raising our daughters. http://www.rachelsimmons.com/

Girl Tip #73: If you’re in a conflict, ask yourself: what do you need the other person to do to heal the relationship? Is making that happen within your power? We can only control our own behavior. If you truly accepted that you couldn’t change someone, would you approach the friendship differently?

Girls need to learn and/or recognize …

• How to tolerate disappointment.
• No one is perfect.
• Their actions send an important message to their peers.
• Recognize feelings they are experiencing.
• They will not always get “their way.”
• It is okay to compromise and sincerely apologize when needed.
• Relationships are pivotal in their lives.
• Some friendships are not healthy—true friend versus best friend.
• Understand that they do not need to be nice all the time (no one is!).
• Be open with their feelings (don’t go underground and hide or dismiss their emotions).
• Asserting themselves is a “muscle” they need to stretch and exercise regularly and respectfully.
• Home is the safety net—encourage them to share, speak up and practice social skills and strategies.
• If you want your daughter to talk/listen, try when you both are active—for instance, taking a walk, playing a board game or working together.
• Model how and what it sounds like to be forthright, speak honestly and tolerate disappointment.
• Taking a risk to is another positive way to flex their assertion muscles and grow a “can-do” spirit.
• Take a risk with your child—maybe try something you both are hesitant to do (for me it was a roller coaster!).
• Have empathy and recognize quality friendships—what does that look and feel like internally.

A MESSAGE FROM LAINE JACOBY:

As a mother and educator, I appreciated how Rachel encourages us as adults to empower each girl by asking, “What do you want to do about it?” What a great message for a child—trust your instincts, do what is manageable, own up to a mistake, compromise or apologize as needed, and learn from the experience/mistake. If adults “fix” all problems, disappointments or failures, how will girls learn to persist, cope or advocate for themselves? If interested, please visit www.RachelSimmons.com.